Sunday May 17, 2020
Sleep: 6 hours 16 minutes (score: 81)
Weight: 104.8
Exercise: no
Overall: very positive (8)
PT: no
Pretty good day! I went to brunch with some new friends and it ended up taking more of the day than I wanted it to. It was really fun. We went outside to play lawn games and I got pretty burnt on my nose and arms. Lucky for me my legs are still pasty white, score! *eye roll*
I felt a little weird around them. Maybe it is not having genuine interaction for so long. I just felt awkward and like I didn't fit in. I mean I usually feel that way around normal people but I really wanted to have them like me. I don't know... but at the very least feeling the grass and sitting under the sun was absolutely incredible. It felt amazing. I missed that.
I worked on my paper today. I am about half way done and I am actually proud of the first half. I don't know why I procrastinated so hard on this. I think maybe because I was worried I couldn't... so why try? I don't know if that is true. But it feels good to be in a good spot to hopefully have it done tomorrow. I also did not go live on A Space Story today or plan PoSSUM 13 or Project PoSSUM media. It all has been so draining. Plus there was no good space news for A Space Story and I had to work on my paper. So I skipped it. Okay. After this week I am getting my social media vibe back.
Monday May 18, 2020
Sleep: 6 hours 33 minutes (score: 81)
Weight: 104.2
Exercise: yes
Overall: positive (7)
PT: no
Pretty good day. I am now officially addicted to my Rubik's cube. It isn't good. But work was productive today and I got to sit in on a requirements meeting which I loved. My evening was filled with Rubik's and PoSSUM presentations. I am actually really proud of how my presentation turned out. I don't remember if I talked about it at all but it was a proposal for a sleep study. Very similar to all the things I have been tracking on here. I just want to put it in an app and make it globally accessible so I can see how other people are and how they differ from me. It was inspired from this so it was kind of cool to see the full presentation. Maybe I will post it and you guys can take a look. I even have this nice pretty graph from my sleep scores.
In other news... I feel like I am going to start getting some clarity soon. I think this career thing is really going to present itself on the one clear path I should take. And I have a sneaky feeling it isn't going to be what I expected. Which makes it what I expect... so... I guess... I don't know. I am going to bed.
Guess I will keep taking it day by day and patiently waiting to see what happens next.
Tuesday May 19, 2020
Sleep: 5 hours 13 minutes (score: 77)
Weight: 102.2
Exercise: yes
Overall: stressed (6)
PT: no
I. Have. Way. Too. Much. Going. On. And some really big decisions falling into my lap and frankly I don't know what to do. Because everyone is like "listen to your (gut, heart, head, instinct... whatever)" and NEWS FLASH that doesn't know what I want to do either. So what else ya got??? Anyways I felt like I contributed at work today. But I also felt more irritable. And this sounds weird but I think I am using humor too much. Ya'll know I am a funny person (obviously *hair flip*) but lately I feel like with the lack of human interaction, when I do get the chance to talk I feel the need to be funny. I miss that aspect. I don't know if that makes any sense...
In other news I am STILL not done with my PoSSUM paper. WHY. I literally have never had this bad of an issue with motivation slacking off. And it isn't even I don't want to do it. I really truly do. I think that means I have way more to focus on and my mind is like "girl you got some big decisions coming up and those won't be solved in 600 - 800 more words" or something. I think I will get some clarity Thursday. Hopefully. I also think I need a good nights sleep. I mentioned I was irritable today. And really beating myself up too. I think those are from my lack of sleep lately. So I am ignoring my paper in hopes to have a bright shiny day tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Wednesday May 20, 2020
Sleep: 6 hours 34 minutes (score: 86)
Weight: 103.0
Exercise: yes
Overall: stressed, some good some bad over all average (5)
PT: no
This will be another short one. I keep waiting until late at night to do these and I have no energy to do a proper Bailey rant. To be honest friends... I am completely shot. I feel down and out and I don't know what to do. I think all the stress will melt away in about two days. Maybe not all but I will have a direction. And you know me... as long as I have a direction I am happy. I did get a new sweatshirt today and it is super cuddly and soft and it makes me really happy. I love comfort clothes. Fuzzy socks and over-sized flannels and hoodies... makes my heart fuzzy. I also cleaned today which made me feel a lot better.
I did my sleep study presentation fro EDU 101. I think it went well. I didn't score too high but that was because I didn't page numbers on slides or captions under photos. Okay cool whatever. But I hope to share all the findings with you guys soon.
Like I said there wasn't anything EXTREMELY bad about today. It just was normal and I felt more stressed. Hope that solid sleep score from last night helps me out tomorrow!
Thursday May 21, 2020
Sleep: 6 hours 16 minutes (score: 75)
Weight: 103.8
Exercise: yes
Overall: stressed, some REALLY good some REALLY bad over all average (5)
PT: no
ANNNND.... It is late again and I can't write everything I am thinking. I have to get to bed. Anyways I had some really good parts of today. My live went really well. And I rambled a lot about finding motivation in isolation and how it starts from truly just ripping everything back and starting from a clean slate. I think it was a good progression. Talking about planning and being passionate and then about being kind to yourself if you don't reach your goals... I tried to end it with a joke... but the one hour limit hit. Other than that I was feeling good at work... then I got unfairly called out in an email. That hurt. And unfairly in my mind... could have been completely justified. I just... I don't know. There is a lot to unpack there.
I am really scared. I have some stuff coming up that I am really scared to announce and even more scared to actually go do. It seems fun, but scary. I guess I will leave it vague. I have a really back stress headache. Might even been a migraine. It hurts to stand up even. Hope that goes away. But I am going to have to go to sleep RIGHT NOW to do that. More to come. I swear.
Friday May 22, 2020
Sleep: 6 hours 25 minutes (score: 75)
Weight: 103.6
Exercise: yes
Overall: mostly positive (6)
PT: no
Annnnnd I didn't get on early enough to write a lot again... I AM SORRY GUYS. I am just busy. I had to finish a paper I have been putting off tonight. But I finally did it! It wasn't my best work...
Today was decent. I have a lot in the works. A lot of nerves, but overall it was good. I felt like my work wasn't as bad as yesterday. And I got to chat with a lot of people today which was nice. I did my proposal team call and then Katya and I talked for like an hour about social media planning. I feel better on that front. We both like to have a plan so it feels good.
I have a really busy day tomorrow. trying to jam pack things even more. Going live... OH MY GOODNESS I forgot to mention yesterday I went and talked to a bunch of at risk teens for an hour about space. It was amazing. One of them was super engaged and the others seemed to think it was pretty cool. That felt good to know I can communicate to people taller than 3 ft. I am still super frazzled. I think I can start relaxing soon though. I wonder what that will be like...
Saturday May 23, 2020
Sleep: 5 hours 50 minutes (score: 79)
Weight: 103.2
Exercise: no
Overall: extremely positive (9)
PT: no
I had such an amazing day. I had so much stress than I usually do. Which is funny considering I need to make a huge decision coming up. But I have all my little things done and I don't need to worry about them which means I can focus on the big things.
This morning I went live with an Indian group called Spaceonova to talk about Systems Engineering. It was really nice to talk about that because I LOVE the idea of systems engineering. I only recently found it (about 2 years ago) and I am still really excited about all the good things about systems engineering. It is SO important to ALL aspects of engineering. And to talk about it was absolutely amazing.
Then I went on a mountain adventure. I got some shoes through an Instagram influencer type thing ($500 pair of shoes, not too shabby) and I had to take some cool pictures. It was a really good adventure. Then I went over to my parents' house for dinner and A Quiet Game of Bambu. That is a long story but Bambu is a family thing starting about 50 years ago in the Burns family.
It was a good day. I took a relaxing bath complete with bath bombs and face masks and while I was doing that I literally felt the stress melt off me. I don't know what is going to happen. I am honestly terrified. But I feel like I can handle it.
Hopefully next week I will have more time to write really insightful or inspiring posts. I think I will have a lot to process.